It’s Saturday…

And while I should really be studying for my upcoming *first* nursing school test, I’ve decided to take the day off and enjoy a day free of books and stress. In truth, I wouldn’t be able to focus anyway and so would then be aimlessly staring at an open book and feeling bad about the fact that I was wasting my day away.

It’s been a full three weeks of nursing school, and so far I definitely have done a poor job of finding a rhythm and actually studying. My day normally starts around 5am, and by the time I get home it’s around 8pm. At that point I usually find myself putting on a TV show and relaxing and telling myself that “I’ll study tomorrow; i’ll do better tomorrow,” because I’m so worn out by the long day that I’ve spent on campus that I can’t even fathom putting in more hours studying.

3 weeks later…and I have a concepts test on Tuesday that I am in no way prepared for. And two tests (pharmacology & assessment) the week after that I haven’t been studying for either; even though I’ve made flashcards for both classes but have yet to review them. I’m super stressed right now about pharmacology considering the fact that I have upwards of 50 drugs (so far) to learn and memorize and at this point I only have a little over a week to do it in.

I don’t have any excuses other than the fact that I’m really overwhelmed with everything we’re expected to read, learn, know, and do, and I don’t even know where to begin with all of it. I’m so stressed out by everything that I’m supposed to do that I decide not to do anything at all.

Now how ironic is that?

And yet what have I been doing with my “free” day today? Part of my time has been spent online trying to find a free clinic to volunteer at, researching the “Summer III Externship Program” at Mayo Clinic, and thinking about where I want this nursing journey to lead me. One day, I’m hoping that after working 2-3 years at a great hospital I can apply to a great DNP graduate program and take my life in that direction. But how am I supposed to accomplish these things if I can’t even focus on this present moment and do a great job in nursing school?

I need to get my act together! No matter if I get home at 7 or 8pm at night – or even if I just decide to stay up at school after my last class – I need to STUDY. And study hardcore. During breaks between classes, I need to study. And when I’m on the treadmill, I need to study. And when I’m eating dinner, I need to study. Because I”m not going to get anywhere in life if I can’t put energy, dedication, and hard work into this gift that I’ve been given.

I just can’t understand why I’m struggling so much with this. Why is it so hard for me to put my nose to the grindstone and “just do it”? Especially considering how badly I’ve wanted this for the past two years. And especially considering where I want my life to go after nursing school – none of which will be possible if I can’t graduate as the best nurse I can be with an equally great GPA.

Ok, enough of my rant and pity party. I can do this!! It’s definitely going to take some adjustment and it’s certainly been a learning curve so far. But I want this so bad, and I need to remember that. Now is not the time to give up on my dream. I can do this.

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2 thoughts on “It’s Saturday…

  1. I’m laughing as I read your entry. Not because I think your situation is funny, but because I can relate so closely. We have all been there. That IS nursing school. Your never caught up, you never know it all, you never feel like you’ve got it all down pat, and yet you make it through. I encourage you to stop being so hard on yourself. It’s okay to waste a saturday watching I Love Lucy re-runs and chowing down on bon-bons, we all need that. Sometimes you just have to let loose. Don’t over-study and just know that you can only do what you can do. You’ve made it this far because you are capable and smart, and you will continue on this path for the same reasons.

    • Awww I really appreciate your kind words…AND your understanding!! I feel a lot better after studying today; and it’s also nice to hear that I’m not a horrible student for feeling this way. 🙂

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