My peds clinical instructor is sick, which means I have no peds clinical this morning…which means I’m officially on spring break! Of course we have to make up our clinical at a later date, but that doesn’t even bother me because I would’ve rather had an extra day right before spring break anyway. 🙂
I’m sure this is an oft-repeated phrase in my blog, but I’m going to state it again anyway because it’s true. I can’t believe I’m halfway through this semester already!!
I was in the CVICU again yesterday at my adult clinical and I just can’t believe how excited and thrilled I am every time I’m in the ICU setting. I know I belong there and I hope I’d make a great nurse there, too. Of course there’s a huge part of me that really wants to be done with school and be on my way to learning how to function as an independent nurse, however there’s also a huge part of me that is literally terrified. I feel like I don’t know ANYTHING! How do they just expect us to graduate, get a job, and – even with the residency positions – be ready to function as a REAL nurse only 4-6 months later?!
Anyway…those are my thoughts for today. Short and sweet, I know. 😉 This spring break is going to fly by soooo fast – especially because I have SO much to do!!
Yesterday was super duper rough.
I’m not saying I haven’t had other terrible days, and I’m not even saying that this was anywhere near the worst day I’ve ever had (or even have had this semester of nursing school!), however I feel the need to vent about yesterday, so I shall.
The day started off with a three-hour last-minute study session with my partner in crime before our second Adult 2 test. And I walked out of that test feeling like I’d been pummeled by a professional boxer who had a vendetta against me. While I was definitely hoping for a B, I wanted at least a mid-to-high B that way my average (the 76% I had from the first test) could have been brought up some. Well, I made an 82%. Better, for sure, but still not a decent grade compared to the effort that I put into this test and the confidence that I had walking in. And still not enough to pull my grade out of the “C” range. I shouldn’t be disappointed, especially when I’m not failing and I’m barely on the line between a C and a B and can easily pull myself up with the next three tests (3rd exam, HESI, and final). However, I just don’t understand how a course that I love the material SO MUCH can be the one that I’m doing the worst in. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I seriously have never taken a test that hard before. And I almost stayed until the last possible minute finishing up, when I’m usually out with PLENTY of time to spare!
So that was a bummer. But an even bigger bummer and one that really puts my issues in perspective (the perspective that I don’t have it that bad at all) is the fact that one of my closest nursing school buddies is currently failing Adult 2. Both of her tests now have been below the passing grade of a 72% which means that if she definitely doesn’t pull her grade up then she’ll have to re-take the class and she’ll no longer be graduating with us. That’s such a hard concept to think about because we have been friends since day one and there was never a thought in our mind that we wouldn’t be graduating together. And there’s no reason (that we see) that she’s not getting better grades – she’s always done well in classes and she DEFINITELY knows the material. So the fact that she’s failing is just mind boggling, for both of us. I swear this class is so so so much harder than any we’ve ever taken before, even in nursing school. We’ve decided that we’re going to get together the weekend before the tests now and go over TONS of practice questions. We have to do better!
Then to top everything off, our mental health lecture yesterday covered addictions – alcoholism in particular. And because of my family issues with alcoholism, it was a tough lecture to stomach and I actually had to leave at some point because I felt like if I didn’t then I’d just start bawling right there in class and make a fool of myself. This was the lecture that I’d been dreading all semester, and it certainly came at the wrong time. I eventually went back into the classroom but I have to admit that I’m not sure I really heard much of the lecture at all. As soon as we were released I realized that all I wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed, wishing the day away and in fact this entire semester.
How much longer until I’m done, again? Will I ever be done??
North Texas weather has been so fickle! Yesterday it was in the 80s. Today, in the 20s with freezing rain. As a result, delayed opening for school tomorrow – until noon. As a result of that: no child health class (because it’s from 0800-1100) which means I get a whole day off to study for my 2nd adult health exam on Tuesday morning! YAY!
So I haven’t updated in awhile…but these past few weeks have been SO insane! I’m constantly going somewhere and doing something, which doesn’t give me much time to get any studying done. So any extra time I have I’m either studying or taking a break. Most likely taking a break. 😉
But in the midst of this crazy semester, I have learned one thing for sure. I have learned where my nursing passion lies. I have had that “AHA!” moment where I felt a pull towards the area that I want to do nursing in. Any guesses???
If you guessed the ICU, you were correct!! I have come to find out that I am SO passionate about this field of nursing that I just cannot wait for my next clinical day in the ICU. I excitedly look forward to being there and learning new things, taking care of the sickest of the sick. I am loving learning about the critical care content in lecture that we’re being tested over on Tuesday…ABGs, ventilators, shock, hemodynamic monitoring, etc. I feel like I just can’t get enough. I feel like I have been re-awakened and no longer am I just trying to “survive.” Now I feel like I have something I’m striving towards again.
I just have to make it through the next 10 weeks and I’ll be done with this, the hardest of semesters. And then next semester, I get to start applying for my dream job – the ICU!